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Your Perfect Marriage – Support Gay Marriage, Forego the License For Your Perfect Wedding

Your Perfect Marriage – Support Gay Marriage, Forego the License For Your Perfect Wedding

Congratulations! You’re in love and getting married. May your life together be rich and wonderful! But if, as you celebrate your love, you’re bothered by the fact that your gay friends are not accorded the same rights and privileges that you are, make your marriage stand up for gay marriage. Refuse to get married legally.

Marriage is a wonderful institution. But what makes it wonderful is the Love, not the Law. This is why wedding vows matter so much. A wedding, a wedding ceremony, need to showcase your commitment to one another. The goal of a wedding ceremony is to create a life-long marriage. The legal component is just an odd by-product of the spiritual union, peculiar to this country and to very few others. Many clergy are beginning to argue that they shouldn’t have any connection to legal marriage. That civil marriage should be separated from spiritual marriage. Your hearts and souls care about the promises that are offered and received.

You’ll need a celebrant that will agree to support you in your political statement. You might ask your celebrant to consider a moratorium on signing licenses to support Gay rights. In the meantime you need to worry about the legal end of things:

  • Talk to your lawyer and sign the right papers. It’s crucial to protect yourselves and your families. There are ramifications, you need to be aware, and take action.
  • Create a marriage covenant that includes the following: your vows, to be signed by you; the marriage pronouncement, to be signed by the celebrant; and your community’s statement of witness and support, to signed by the community. Display it on your wall. Not only does it remind you what you have promised one another, it becomes a public document. It’s not yet legal, but who knows?

At your wedding, talk about why you’re taking this stand. Ask for your community’s support. Then get married, secure in the knowledge that your love stands for something as well as warms and transforms your hearts. Marriage that believes in something and not just itself is stronger. Your community’s buy-in, which is a strong indicator of marital success, will be stronger for their involvement in a cause. Your marriage will be talked about, worried over and celebrated. That’s going to help any marriage.

And if you find you can’t go that whole way, at least give a shout out for Gay marriage at your wedding and say you believe it’s wrong that Gays and Lesbians can’t marry. You don’t know what you’ll receive from this. When my husband and I married last February, we didn’t have a legal ceremony. When Prop 8 was adopted, we both received calls by friends disappointed because the struggle our heterosexual marriage stands with was lost. Gay friends told us they dared to believe in marriage because of our stance. So get married and change the world.